A Jew and a Jew-hater walk into a bar.
In pre-Holocaust Europe, Jews were told to go back to “Palestine.” Now we’re being told to get out of “Palestine.” Which one is it, exactly?
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Jew-Hater: Jews control the world.
Jew: Jews cannot even defend themselves against radical Islamist terrorists without being charged for “genocide” at the United Nations International Court of Justice.
Jew-Hater: Yeah, because Israel is killing millions of Palestinian women and children indiscriminately!
Jew: Israeli soldiers are confronted with unprecedented military gymnastics because they are fighting within an environment incredibly unique to combat — both urban and underground — since Hamas has turned virtually every corner of Gaza into a quasi-military fortress.
War is horrendous and innocents will inevitably be hurt and killed, but Israel is doing the best it can to avoid needless carnage while at the same time ridding its borders of bestial terror (as any country would). The ratio of combatant to non-combatant casualties (if we believe the Hamas-run Gaza Health Ministry) is believed to be one-to-two, meaning that for every terrorist there are two civilians killed — compared to the international average of one-to-nine according to the UN.
Yet “pro-Palestinian” activists, true to their cause, claim that “Israel is lying” and, in the same breath, cite Hamas (the world’s fifth-most active terrorist organization) as a reliable source of information. Brilliant.
Jew-Hater: Israel is killing journalists at an alarming rate!
Jew: David Collier, an investigative journalist, researched on social media 100 of the “journalists” in Gaza. “Almost all of them are tied up with Hamas or Palestinian Islamic Jihad. Almost all of them celebrate the murder of Jews,” he said.1
In Hamas-run Gaza, the vast majority of “journalists” exist solely to be in the service of Hamas’ genocidal, fascist, Islamist fundamentalist ideology.
Jew-Hater: Israel seeks to destroy the Palestinians.
Jew: What Israel seeks is not to destroy a people but to protect a people, its people, and to do so in accordance with international law even as it faces an enemy hellbent on leveraging a storm of lies, distortions, misinformation, and gaslighting against it.
As if this storm wasn’t enough, Israel’s enemy has been using the people of Gaza as human shields to cover up Hamas’ war crimes and keep the terror group in kleptocratic power.
Jew-Hater: They are not terrorists! They are freedom fighters!
Jew: Since Jewish lives obviously don’t matter so much to you and your comrades, let’s talk about the Palestinian “freedom fighter” who assassinated Jordanian King Abdullah I in 1951.
Jew-Hater: The Palestinians just want their own country!
Jew: If Jordan was a democracy, rather than an autocracy, it would be a Palestinian country.
Jew-Hater: So you want to forcefully displace the Palestinians?
Jew: Of course not. There are approximately three million Palestinians already living in Jordan.
Jew-Hater: They just want to take back their land from the Zionist colonialist ethnic cleansing settler occupiers!
Jew: If you are going to generalize that all Israelis are “occupiers” then I am going to generalize that no Palestinians are “innocent” and “uninvolved.”
Jew-Hater: You don’t get to decide how the Palestinians resist!
Jew: No problem, then you don’t get to decide how we Israelis respond.
Jew-Hater: So you’re okay with committing genocide?!
Jew: You don’t think it’s kind of weird for a country that is accused of committing genocide to explicitly tell people to evacuate, give them written instructions, and create humanitarian corridors for them to do so, while guarding the corridors with tanks and soldiers to prevent Hamas from firing on their own people trying to escape from combat zones?
Wouldn’t this defeat the purpose of Israel’s alleged genocide?
Jew-Hater: But the Palestinians in Gaza are running out of everything! Food, water, medicine, fuel, rockets — everything!
Jew: It has been 264 days of Gaza running out of “everything” by tomorrow.
Jew-Hater: End Israel’s blockade of Gaza!
Jew: Israel keeps Gaza (and the Palestinian West Bank) afloat by allowing it to use the Israeli shekel. There is no other country that would supply the Palestinian economy with its currency because doing so automatically devalues said currency.
On October 6th, 2023, amidst the ceasefire in place, some 18,000 individuals from Gaza were employed in and supported by Israel, channeling $25 million each month into the Gaza Strip. Shockingly, some of these very employees aided Hamas in targeting the very places where they worked.
With Israel’s backing, the Gaza economy experienced a remarkable 20-percent growth, and per capita gross domestic product soared by 19 percent. Meanwhile, Hamas and Palestinian Islamic Jihad opted for war on October 7th, and these 18,000 individuals immediately became unemployed.
Jew-Hater: Israeli Jews should just go back to Europe!
Jew: More than half of Israeli Jews are of Middle Eastern and North African descent, because nearly one million Jews were implicitly or explicitly expelled from their homes across the Middle East and North Africa, leading up to and after Israel declared its independence in 1948.
But we know the drill: In pre-Holocaust Europe, Jews were told to go back to “Palestine.” Now we’re being told to get out of “Palestine.”
Jew-Hater: Israel should care more about the Palestinians!
Jew: It might just be that Israel cares more about the Palestinians than the Palestinians care about themselves.
Throughout this war, Israel has warned Palestinians when and where it is going to attack, facilitates aid to the Palestinians, helps with evacuations, and established humanitarian corridors so civilians can avoid the battle zones.
Israel has also invented military techniques specifically designed to save Palestinian lives, such as “roof knocking” — a practice of dropping non-explosive or low-yield devices on the roofs of targeted civilian infrastructure that is used by Palestinian combatants, to warn non-combatants of imminent bombing and give them time to leave the buildings.
And while the Arabs didn’t welcome the modest immigration of Jews during Ottoman-era and British-era Palestine, from the mid-1800s through the 1930s, Arabs indeed benefitted from Jewish arrival. Ardent Zionist Dr. Israel Kligler, a microbiologist, is credited with malaria eradication in the region, which ironically resulted in a major share of the Arab’s massive population increase.
Jew-Hater: Israel should terminate its occupation of the Palestinians!
Jew: “Palestine” is the only country in the world that never existed before its so-called occupation. Therefore, the Palestinians have the weakest case among all the world’s conflicts. Yet, because their opponents are the world’s villains — the Jews — the Palestinians have a distinct advantage over every other conflict in the world.
Jew-Hater: There would be no antisemitism in the Middle East if the Jews didn’t declare statehood in 1948.
Jew: In 1834, the Palestinian peasants’ revolt, which was precipitated by heavy Egyptian demands for conscripts, took place well before any real semblance of modern-day Zionism.
In head-scratching yet highly antisemitic fashion, Palestinians deployed their frustrations against the region’s Jews. In Safed, they took advantage of a defenseless Jewish population, looting and destroying their homes, as well as raping and killing. In Jerusalem, hundreds of Jewish-owned shops were raided and damaged. Jews were also murdered in Nablus and Hebron.
Episodes of Palestinian violence, both individual and in groups, routinely continued throughout the 1800s and into the 1900s. But sure, keep on spreading the myth that antisemitism in the Middle East only exists because of the Jewish state’s declaration of independence in 1948.
Jew-Hater: What about the “Nakba” when 700,000 Palestinians had to flee their homes in 1948 because of Israel?
Jew: During the 20th century, as empires collapsed and new states and borders were established, tens of millions of people fled or were expelled during the course of war. Muslims and Hindus, Greeks and Turks, Poles and Ukrainians, Germans and Jews moved on to build new lives, some aided by the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees.
None of them, nor their hundreds of millions of descendants, claim to be refugees today — except the Palestinians. Why? Because the Palestinians, propped up by the Arab world and the former Soviet Union, violently rejected the two-state solution already in 1948, and were determined (despite losing war after war) to continue trying to prevent the Jewish People from maintaining self-determination in our indigenous homeland.
Having failed to do so by warfare, terrorism, and economic boycotts, Palestinians have hijacked the United Nations and “social justice” causes to create and sustain a fictitious narrative that they are still somehow all refugees, generation after generation, and all of them possess a right (which does not exist in international law) to settle in a sovereign country (Israel), even though they never lived in and they were never citizens of Israel, so as to ensure that Israel no longer exists as a state for the Jewish People.
Jew-Hater: Israel cannot be the Jews’ indigenous homeland if the country is just 76 years old.
Jew: Ironically, the Arabic word for Jew is “yahud” because Jews are the people of Yahuda (Judea), presently called Israel — but acknowledging this fact means acknowledging Jews lived in Judea thousands of years ago, which means acknowledging Jewish indigenousness way before Arabs from Arabia migrated to and Arabicized the Levant, which means acknowledging Jewish rights in this land — a big turn-off for Jew haters, “anti-Zionists” and terrorist sympathizers.
What’s next? Claiming that the Palestinians created the TV show “Seinfeld” which didn’t truly take place in New York City, but in Gaza City? And that Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer were actually Palestinians?
Or that Palestine was once a peaceful supercontinent known as Palestengea, until Zionists divided it up into smaller continents?2
Jew-Hater: Can’t you see that Israel creates more antisemitism?
Jew: To borrow a line from Israeli politician Yair Lapid, “The State of Israel wasn’t founded because we thought antisemitism would disappear. The State of Israel was founded so we can tell antisemites to go screw themselves.”
Jew-Hater: Why can’t we just go back to the 1967 borders?
Jew: People often talk about the 1967 borders as a plausible solution to the decades-long Israeli-Palestinian saga, but what they don’t always mention is that Gaza was under Egyptian control and the West Bank was part of Jordan prior and leading up to the 1967 Six-Day War.
Egypt wanted to create a pan-Arab state (the United Arab Republic) and unite the Arab populations under this state, whereas Jordan annexed the West Bank. The two countries were at odds.
Had Israel disappeared in 1967, there wouldn’t be peace. There would be a conflict between Egypt and Jordan, at least, over what to do with this land in which an Arab state named Palestine never existed. Thus, establishing a Palestinian state along the “1967 borders” wouldn’t be a “return” to the way things were. It would be the invention of a new regional problem, as if the Middle East and North Africa need another one.
Jew-Hater: Hamas doesn’t hide among the Palestinian people in Gaza! Hamas is the Palestinian people in Gaza!
Jew: A resident of Gaza recently shared that “Hamas’ people have trimmed their beards and are hiding among the civilian population in order to avoid assassinations by the IDF. In the meantime they are stealing the aid.”3
Jew-Hater: The Houthis aren’t a terrorist organization. They’re just coming to the defense of their Palestinian brothers and sisters.
Jew: The Houthis’ official slogan literally says, “Allah Is the Greatest, Death to America, Death to Israel, A Curse Upon the Jews, Victory to Islam.”
Jew-Hater: We should just treat all cultures equally!
Jew: It is easy to live somewhere far, far away from the Middle East and preach “cultural relativism” if you haven’t been murdered or kidnapped after undergoing anal gang-rape during a music festival, at the hands of Muslim men shouting in Arabic, “Allah is the greatest!”
Jew-Hater: All this Islamophobia since October 7th is making me really uncomfortable!
Jew: Islamophobia is the fear of Islam or Muslims, especially when seen as a geopolitical force or a source of terrorism. But there’s something really awkward about this definition: Many of us have totally rational reasons to be frightened by Islam and Muslims — because millions of Muslims are, as a matter of fact, a geopolitical force and a source of terrorism.
The Middle East and North Africa used to be predominantly Christian. Now they are predominantly Muslim — and growing in the latter direction. In most Middle Eastern countries, Christian populations are declining and there is “horrifying growth” of Christian persecution, according to the organization Open Doors.
As far as Islam and Muslims being a source of terrorism, it would be foolish to say that all terrorists are Muslim, but a healthy percentage of terror attacks are carried out by Muslims, in the name of Islam. In the UK, for example, nearly 70 percent of terror attacks are Islamist.4
Jew-Hater: I have Jewish friends. I can’t be antisemitic!
Jew: It may seem contradictory for someone to have Jewish friends while holding antisemitic views, but human behavior can indeed be complex and inconsistent.
People might compartmentalize their beliefs or exhibit cognitive dissonance, where they hold contradictory thoughts or attitudes. Tokenizing, stereotyping, stigmatizing, unconscious bias, and selective empathy are a few ways this contradiction can occur.
Jew-Hater: Jews own Hollywood!
Jew: Ah, so that’s why we get so many great Jewish movies every year.
Jew-Hater: Jews should stop being so smart and clever!
Jew: The Jews are the only minority group to which the words “clever” and “smart” are used as insults, and to which the skill of being “good with money” is meant to be derogatory.
Jew-Hater: Whatever, just get the Israelis out of Gaza immediately!
Jew: Alas we agree on something. Get the Israeli abductees out of Gaza, immediately.
David Collier on X
The Mossad: Satirical, Yet Awesome on X
Aviva Klompas on X
“Scandalous Indoctrination: Inside a Kings College Counter-Terrorism Course for UK Civil Servants.” Fathom.
Jew-Hater: Israeli Jews should just go back to Europe!
Imagine if we called out all people for being half cast and told them to go back to their European home. It’s the same logic. Imagine telling African Americans to go back to Africa or France. Or indigenous people to return to their European ancestral homelands. It’s pure genetic racism. Someone recently tried to tell me that Arab people are indigenous to the land due to their dna 🤣 Recent dna research proves you cannot tell the difference between people under a microscope, it’s a cultural construct ethnicity, not a genetics type.
Also let’s not forget the Jewish Nakba, 750,000 of Jews in Muslim countries, citizens of hundreds of years, who were forced from their homes in 1948 leaving behind all property and homes for hundreds of years to return to Israel on foot for safe haven, a refugee isn’t a colonist, this warped lens placed on middle eastern Jews is absurd.
The biggest problem is while this script is good in reality trying to have a civil discussion with someone who hates you is almost impossible. Since their not interested in your point of view, if you're a Jew they want you dead.