"We should be able to hold two ideas at once: Jewish marriage should be encouraged, and intermarried families should not be treated as lost. The first expresses an aspiration. The second acknowledges the world as it actually exists." Thank you for saying that. At 41, I had dated so many Jews and non-Jews that I was ready to give up. And then, over a very early match.com (26 years ago) I met my beshert. He was not Jewish. I was in a real quandary about this. I went to my rabbi in Miami who basically said, "He can't be your beshert, and I won't marry you." Hmmmm, not very supportive. I was friendly with the new Chabad rabbi, and we used to walk together on a lot of mornings. I found that he really listened and realized that for me, this might be what G-d had sent, for whatever reason. I do believe the reason was not just for marriage but for creating our son who I call a miracle-- like Sarah. I had been unable to conceive. Until I did at 42. I have brought my son up with SHabbat, Bar Mitvah, holidays etc. and he knows his roots are Jewish, not just from a religious standpoint, but from a "people" standpoint. He disagrees with many traditions. He isn't sure G-d really exists. He questions. But isn't that so Jewish?? Our Jewish story is a Jewish-Greek one that continues to develop and morph all the time. It's definitely not easy, especially these days. But it continues.
I'd add one thought that may be a little outside the scope of your article. If we're serious about Jewish continuity, we should also be willing to examine some of our own traditions. One that has always puzzled me is that, under Orthodox Jewish law, a child born to a Jewish father and a non-Jewish mother is generally not considered Jewish unless they convert, whereas a child born to a Jewish mother is automatically considered Jewish.
In my opinion, that rule made more sense in a world where establishing paternity was far more difficult than it is today. With modern DNA testing, I think it's a conversation worth having. When a Jewish father knows his children won't be recognized as Jewish by much of the Jewish world, it can discourage families from embracing Jewish identity and traditions as fully as they otherwise might.
I know this isn't a change that's likely to happen, but if our goal is strengthening Jewish continuity, I think it's a discussion worth having.
"We should be able to hold two ideas at once: Jewish marriage should be encouraged, and intermarried families should not be treated as lost. The first expresses an aspiration. The second acknowledges the world as it actually exists." Thank you for saying that. At 41, I had dated so many Jews and non-Jews that I was ready to give up. And then, over a very early match.com (26 years ago) I met my beshert. He was not Jewish. I was in a real quandary about this. I went to my rabbi in Miami who basically said, "He can't be your beshert, and I won't marry you." Hmmmm, not very supportive. I was friendly with the new Chabad rabbi, and we used to walk together on a lot of mornings. I found that he really listened and realized that for me, this might be what G-d had sent, for whatever reason. I do believe the reason was not just for marriage but for creating our son who I call a miracle-- like Sarah. I had been unable to conceive. Until I did at 42. I have brought my son up with SHabbat, Bar Mitvah, holidays etc. and he knows his roots are Jewish, not just from a religious standpoint, but from a "people" standpoint. He disagrees with many traditions. He isn't sure G-d really exists. He questions. But isn't that so Jewish?? Our Jewish story is a Jewish-Greek one that continues to develop and morph all the time. It's definitely not easy, especially these days. But it continues.
The is the best insight on the subject of intermarriage and Jewish engagement I've ever read. Perfectly, articulately said, Josh.
Joshua, excellent article.
I'd add one thought that may be a little outside the scope of your article. If we're serious about Jewish continuity, we should also be willing to examine some of our own traditions. One that has always puzzled me is that, under Orthodox Jewish law, a child born to a Jewish father and a non-Jewish mother is generally not considered Jewish unless they convert, whereas a child born to a Jewish mother is automatically considered Jewish.
In my opinion, that rule made more sense in a world where establishing paternity was far more difficult than it is today. With modern DNA testing, I think it's a conversation worth having. When a Jewish father knows his children won't be recognized as Jewish by much of the Jewish world, it can discourage families from embracing Jewish identity and traditions as fully as they otherwise might.
I know this isn't a change that's likely to happen, but if our goal is strengthening Jewish continuity, I think it's a discussion worth having.