Beautifully written! As an Orthodox Jew, also very validating. Thank you, Joshua! I just would like to note that while this article was about Orthodox Jews, the photos were of ultra-Orthodox Jews. In case anyone gets the wrong idea, I want to point out that everything you wrote about applies to pretty much every variation of Orthodoxy, such as the Modern Orthodox.
You said it like it is. Hope you inspire many to reconnect to their roots, as a tree disconnected from its roots put out colourful folliage, but that is merely a sign it is dying.
The definition of orthodoxy is not rigidity but adherence to the fundamental tenets of the religion and the participation in community.
One should also keep in mind that there are varying shades of Orthodoxy, from the Ultra Orthodox to the Orthodox, to the New Orthodoxy. And many different communities of thinking and observance within them.
The one thing they offer is Meaningfulness. Something to explore as an alternative to the vacuousness of I'm born, I breed, I work, I retire, I die.
One of your best articles. Some of the comments are missing salient points because the writers are reacting defensively. Without the structure of Jewish orthodoxy we would have ceased to be Jews generations ago. From someone who is not “orthodox” but has the greatest of respect for those whose lives are fully consistent with Judaism. I gain from orthodox friends and orthodox synagogues.
Oh yes? What are they teaching us? They are the ones with a privilege to be called "real Jews"? Because they dedicated their life to personal perfection of "knowledge" rather than helping others? Show me one Hasidic Jew with a Nobel price? None. Simple secular Ashkenazis like Einstein took 22% of all Nobel prices. This number was never topped by any ethnic minority. There, they have nothing to teach us. God should be present in your life and in your heart and in your deeds towards others and not in the rituals or places.
I think you miss the point. Orthodox Judaism is increasing it's population. Casual Judaism is hemorrhaging. Israel is a happy exception. I think that's explained by the reality that secular Israelis are surrounded by Jewish life in the same way as diaspora Orthodox Jews.
It absolutely is, largely because the Orthodox establishment has created a monopoly on the religion. Their rigid lifestyle turns young people away by stereotyping Judaism in a way that alienates the modern world, driving a massive rift into the secular Jewish community.
However, we must remember that history doesn't discriminate. The Nazis didn't distinguish or ask if you kept Shabbat, nor did Hamas on October 7. Yet, in Israel, this same group fights to exempt themselves from defending the country in the military—essentially operating under a "die for me because cause Im a better Jew" mindset. To add insult to injury, Israeli society is forced to fund their schools, even though these institutions refuse to teach a basic core curriculum, offering only religious instruction instead. By providing inadequate education to their youngsters, they forcing them to be disqualified from the modern workforce. It is the premeditated strategy.
The fast of the Ninth of Av is this week, and it commemorates the destruction of both Holy Temples in Jerusalem. The rabbis of the Talmud taught that the fall of Jerusalem came about because of baseless hatred between Jews, and Josephus' account bears that out. He said that Jewish infighting weakened the Jews inside the besieged city of Jerusalem to the point that they could not fight off Vespasian's forces, led by his nephew, Titus.
You said something really important: The Nazis didn't care what kind of Jew you were. They wanted to kill all Jews. Today's antisemites are no different. With Jew hatred surging all over the world, how can we afford to hate each other? Let's take the lesson of the Ninth of Av to heart and replace our baseless hatred for each other with unconditional love. Now more than ever we need to band together. We're all in the same boat.
I'm an Orthodox Jewish woman, and I'm sure that if you got to know us, you would be surprised at how not hateful we actually are. What you see portrayed in the media does not represent the majority of Orthodox Jews.
Ohh I do know. Very much so. In fact too much unfortunately. Many dishonest people hide behind Orthodox attire which spoils the rest of the your community. What you preaching is exclusivity rather than inclusion even for your own fellow Jews. Our way or no way
Despite appreciating Joshua's analysis for the fact that it admits to limitations within all groups - religious or secular - and is both comprehensive and nuanced, I absolutely agree with you that G-d should be present in your life and in your heart and in your deeds towards others and that doesn't rely on Orthodox instruction. I would go on to say that often rituals or particular places can breed non-awareness and a 'blunting' of the spirit in which thoughts and deeds can become rote rather than meaningful. And community can breed unhealthy expectations and a psychology of judgement of others that can prove alienating. I believe that one can be individually aware and active, close to your own sense of Jewish identity, even as an outlier. It is not a cop-out to live Judaism in this way. Lack of acceptance by many of the ultra-Orthodox if you are not one of them is a huge impediment to being Jewish. Chabad differs in this. The only one ultimately who can judge is G-d. We should not become Orthodox merely to increase the number of babies we have.
You mention hypocritical Chabad? In my experience, they are no different from the other groups we discussed—they just present a more sugar-coated exterior. Many religious organizations seem focused on institutional control and self-preservation rather than genuine spiritual nourishment, and I say this from direct family experience.
My grandson spent years with Chabad studying Torah and Talmud, even representing them in scripture competitions. My son donated financially and regularly participated in their community. Yet, when it came time for my grandson's Bar Mitzvah—when he was fully prepared—they inquired about our family background. Upon learning that his grandmother was not Jewish, they refused to perform the Bar Mitzvah and abruptly cut ties with our family.
People might point to traditional law to justify this, but we ultimately went to another organization that welcomed him and celebrated his Bar Mitzvah with dignity. Authentic Jewish life exists outside of these rigid institutions, which often act less as a standard and more as an instrument of exclusion.
I am more than sorry for your family's particular experience of Chabad, especially for your grandson, who at such a young age was rejected in this way. It's appalling. And it's an example of gross discrimination that is often exercised in the ultra-orthodox Jewish world if someone does not measure up to what are out of date and, frankly, ridiculous rules as to what is or is not Jewish identity. Male or female inheritance of identity should not be distinguished between at all. It certainly didn't matter to Hitler - a Jew was a Jew. You, your son and your grandson must have been deeply hurt at this rejection.
Sometimes Chabad are good - welcoming where other ultra-orthodox will not even look at you - travelling as they do in Australia (such a vast country land-wise) to provide Jewish contact with Jews, or a Jew, in regional areas, to prisons, and elsewhere, as well as providing food and succour to Jewish travellers overseas. However, in your case you were failed miserably.
As an Orthodox gay Jew, and as the grandson and great-grandson of Shoah survivors, I find this conversation both important and complicated.
There is truth in the observation that Orthodox communities have built structures of Jewish continuity through daily practice, community, family, and a Judaism that is lived rather than simply experienced. Shabbat, prayer, holidays, learning, and communal responsibility create a rhythm that can carry Judaism across generations.
My own family’s story is one of survival and continuity. The fact that I am here — able to live a Jewish life, to pray, to study, to wrestle with tradition, and to build a Jewish future — is because generations before me refused to allow Jewish life to disappear.
But I also believe the lesson cannot simply be “become Orthodox.” The deeper lesson is that Judaism survives when Jews are given the opportunity to live a Jewish life that feels whole, authentic, and connected.
Being gay and Orthodox has meant wrestling, questioning, learning, and finding a way to remain deeply committed to Torah, tradition, community, and the Jewish people. My identity is not a rejection of Judaism; it is part of my Jewish story.
Orthodox Judaism has much to teach the broader Jewish world about commitment, practice, and continuity. And the broader Jewish world has important lessons about creating space for Jews whose lives and identities do not fit neatly into traditional expectations.
The question we must all ask is not only how we make Judaism unavoidable, but how we ensure that every Jew who loves Judaism can find a place within it.
A thriving Jewish future will require both: the strength of tradition and the courage to embrace the full diversity of the Jewish people.
.. a very interesting article .. thank you Joshua. As the saying goes, ‘it takes all sorts’. And yes, in this ever changing world, the encompassing of difference and variety needs to be considered. As Jannay says above, ‘the structure of Jewish Orthodoxy’ is a major factor in Judaism’s survival through the ages.
An important article, with so much that is meaningful and worth remembering.
Nevertheless, the preservation of Judaism does not seem to depend on the premises described here.It depends on identity, an identity learned by education. It also depends on reproducing, a tragic negative development in the West.
I am a secular Jew who had a tremendous Jewish and Zionist education. I was able to pass on to my equally secular kids the identity, the humour, the joys, the history, the virtues and reasoning of Judaism and Zionism. In their own way, they will pass it on.
On the other hand, I had Orthodox grandparents. There was no love but duty there. In her 80's, after 5 children, my bobbe confessed impromptu to us, the women, in the kitchen, as my zeide lay dying, that she had never known love. I believe her.
We can find durable structures in Islam too. But we dislike them when we see them there.
Reading Freud, not a great believer in civilisation, I have to agree that one of the binding essentials of a society is coercion. We don't like to think of it in the context of Judaism, but the subtle yet powerful social coercion exerted on its members allowed for duty and shame.
I agree that those elements have weakened, but nostalgia for them won't do to forge ahead.
Being isolationist is Biblical. Don't do as the goyim; we are a nation who dwells apart; we were chosen. With Illuminism, we learned to be Jews and to belong with others as well. We would be cursed and blamed either way. But there is no way back.
Today, in Israel, the separatist and anti-Zionist position taken by the ultra-Orthodox has enraged Israelis and many world Jews. I prefer to believe that Israel, secular as it is, preserves the Jewish soul, deep ethics and identity. It is the diaspora that needs reinforcement , but not along orthodox lines.
What a beautiful piece about Orthodox Judaism. I think one of the reasons many non-Orthodox Jews made their lives unemcumbered was to assimilate into the broader population. Because of our affiliation with the local Chabad, we have made Judaism a more important part of our daily lives. They are welcoming, joyful, and celebrate Jewish life with all of those who attend their services and events. Thank you, Joshua, for a wonderful reminder of what being Jewish should mean to us.
Joshua, I enjoyed the article, but I see this very differently.
I don't think the problem is that non-Orthodox Jews refuse to learn from the Orthodox. If anything, I think the Orthodox community has often been the more closed community. It tends to keep to itself, and many non-Orthodox Jews feel like outsiders looking in.
You also make it sound as though strong families are primarily an Orthodox achievement. I don't think that's fair. Plenty of non-Orthodox Jewish families are close, loving, and deeply committed to one another.
I also think it's impossible to ignore the resentment created by Israeli politics. When a relatively small Orthodox sector can exercise enormous influence over national policy through coalition governments, while many in that community are exempt from military service as others bear that burden, resentment is inevitable. Whether one agrees or disagrees with those arrangements, they have consequences for how the rest of Israeli society views the Orthodox community.
Finally, it's worth remembering that modern Zionism and the State of Israel were largely built by secular Jews. Herzl, Ben-Gurion, and many of Israel's founding leaders envisioned a Jewish homeland that was not governed by Orthodox religious authority. I suspect they would be astonished by the political influence that Orthodox parties wield today.
So yes, I think there is much both communities can learn from each other. But I don't believe the lessons flow in only one direction.
If you observe Shabbat and kashrut as an orthodox rabbi defines these mitzvot you can call yourself orthodox. The orthodox also choose which mitzvot to observe—and, sadly, many stress ritual over ethics.
Some of your comments seem rather mean spirited. There are people in every movement - religious and secular- whose actions are at odds with those movements’ beliefs. But that doesn’t mean the beliefs themselves are untenable.
As you say, “Orthodox “ itself is an artificial construct. Surely all of us would be strengthened and enriched as individuals and as a community if we incorporated more mitzvot ( commandments) in our lives - in terms of the sabbath, the way we eat, and the myriad ethical behaviors that are inextricably linked in trying to live a serious Jewish life.
You can replace Jew with Catholic and you have the same occurrence in the Church. The orthodox Catholics are growing in number while cultural Catholics frequently leave the Church.
We are a people. Even though we all can disagree on how we should lead our Jewish lives, never forget that we are connected. We are all family. We are Am Yisrael. Forever.
I never knew any Orthodox Jews. Then Oct 7th happened. Like many of my Jewish friends, I wound up at Chabad, at the shul in my neighborhood, and - to my surprise - I found myself not only welcomed there, with open arms (despite being raised secular and being openly gay) but also intrigued and humbled and excited to make new friends. With the help of my Orthodox friends, I'm enjoying the process of learning more about what being Jewish can mean to my life. I'm not about to become a hassid anytime soon, but I can say I have a deep respect for who the hassidim are and the lives they lead. And, perhaps most importantly, they and their families are now dear friends of mine, and supportive, wise guides for my own journey into understanding my heritage and history and spiritual life as a Jew. I used to gape at Orthodox Jews - they were foreign, other, strange and so forth. Now I offer a smile and a warm greeting - and receive one in return. They are simply people, and many of them are very nice people, smart people, kind people. Why couldn't I see that before, when it was a simple truth staring me in the face? I think it had a lot to do with my struggle to accept myself as a Jew - and I'm really glad I'm finally moving past it.
Beautifully written! As an Orthodox Jew, also very validating. Thank you, Joshua! I just would like to note that while this article was about Orthodox Jews, the photos were of ultra-Orthodox Jews. In case anyone gets the wrong idea, I want to point out that everything you wrote about applies to pretty much every variation of Orthodoxy, such as the Modern Orthodox.
exactly what i wanted to post
It’s common to ALL streams of Torah Observant Orthodox Jews
Yes sometimes an individual is hurt because ppl are imperfect and this is tragic
thankfully they care now organizations for divorced orthodox, families with gay children and other societal problems that no community is immune from
but
the facts speak for themselves
the families and communities are growing and thriving
The structure of the Torah life is what has kept Judaism and the Jewish people alive through the millennia
Amen v'amen
You said it like it is. Hope you inspire many to reconnect to their roots, as a tree disconnected from its roots put out colourful folliage, but that is merely a sign it is dying.
The definition of orthodoxy is not rigidity but adherence to the fundamental tenets of the religion and the participation in community.
One should also keep in mind that there are varying shades of Orthodoxy, from the Ultra Orthodox to the Orthodox, to the New Orthodoxy. And many different communities of thinking and observance within them.
The one thing they offer is Meaningfulness. Something to explore as an alternative to the vacuousness of I'm born, I breed, I work, I retire, I die.
One of your best articles. Some of the comments are missing salient points because the writers are reacting defensively. Without the structure of Jewish orthodoxy we would have ceased to be Jews generations ago. From someone who is not “orthodox” but has the greatest of respect for those whose lives are fully consistent with Judaism. I gain from orthodox friends and orthodox synagogues.
Oh yes? What are they teaching us? They are the ones with a privilege to be called "real Jews"? Because they dedicated their life to personal perfection of "knowledge" rather than helping others? Show me one Hasidic Jew with a Nobel price? None. Simple secular Ashkenazis like Einstein took 22% of all Nobel prices. This number was never topped by any ethnic minority. There, they have nothing to teach us. God should be present in your life and in your heart and in your deeds towards others and not in the rituals or places.
I think you miss the point. Orthodox Judaism is increasing it's population. Casual Judaism is hemorrhaging. Israel is a happy exception. I think that's explained by the reality that secular Israelis are surrounded by Jewish life in the same way as diaspora Orthodox Jews.
Re: "Casual Judaism is hemorrhaging."
It absolutely is, largely because the Orthodox establishment has created a monopoly on the religion. Their rigid lifestyle turns young people away by stereotyping Judaism in a way that alienates the modern world, driving a massive rift into the secular Jewish community.
However, we must remember that history doesn't discriminate. The Nazis didn't distinguish or ask if you kept Shabbat, nor did Hamas on October 7. Yet, in Israel, this same group fights to exempt themselves from defending the country in the military—essentially operating under a "die for me because cause Im a better Jew" mindset. To add insult to injury, Israeli society is forced to fund their schools, even though these institutions refuse to teach a basic core curriculum, offering only religious instruction instead. By providing inadequate education to their youngsters, they forcing them to be disqualified from the modern workforce. It is the premeditated strategy.
The fast of the Ninth of Av is this week, and it commemorates the destruction of both Holy Temples in Jerusalem. The rabbis of the Talmud taught that the fall of Jerusalem came about because of baseless hatred between Jews, and Josephus' account bears that out. He said that Jewish infighting weakened the Jews inside the besieged city of Jerusalem to the point that they could not fight off Vespasian's forces, led by his nephew, Titus.
You said something really important: The Nazis didn't care what kind of Jew you were. They wanted to kill all Jews. Today's antisemites are no different. With Jew hatred surging all over the world, how can we afford to hate each other? Let's take the lesson of the Ninth of Av to heart and replace our baseless hatred for each other with unconditional love. Now more than ever we need to band together. We're all in the same boat.
I'm an Orthodox Jewish woman, and I'm sure that if you got to know us, you would be surprised at how not hateful we actually are. What you see portrayed in the media does not represent the majority of Orthodox Jews.
❤️
Ohh I do know. Very much so. In fact too much unfortunately. Many dishonest people hide behind Orthodox attire which spoils the rest of the your community. What you preaching is exclusivity rather than inclusion even for your own fellow Jews. Our way or no way
Despite appreciating Joshua's analysis for the fact that it admits to limitations within all groups - religious or secular - and is both comprehensive and nuanced, I absolutely agree with you that G-d should be present in your life and in your heart and in your deeds towards others and that doesn't rely on Orthodox instruction. I would go on to say that often rituals or particular places can breed non-awareness and a 'blunting' of the spirit in which thoughts and deeds can become rote rather than meaningful. And community can breed unhealthy expectations and a psychology of judgement of others that can prove alienating. I believe that one can be individually aware and active, close to your own sense of Jewish identity, even as an outlier. It is not a cop-out to live Judaism in this way. Lack of acceptance by many of the ultra-Orthodox if you are not one of them is a huge impediment to being Jewish. Chabad differs in this. The only one ultimately who can judge is G-d. We should not become Orthodox merely to increase the number of babies we have.
You mention hypocritical Chabad? In my experience, they are no different from the other groups we discussed—they just present a more sugar-coated exterior. Many religious organizations seem focused on institutional control and self-preservation rather than genuine spiritual nourishment, and I say this from direct family experience.
My grandson spent years with Chabad studying Torah and Talmud, even representing them in scripture competitions. My son donated financially and regularly participated in their community. Yet, when it came time for my grandson's Bar Mitzvah—when he was fully prepared—they inquired about our family background. Upon learning that his grandmother was not Jewish, they refused to perform the Bar Mitzvah and abruptly cut ties with our family.
People might point to traditional law to justify this, but we ultimately went to another organization that welcomed him and celebrated his Bar Mitzvah with dignity. Authentic Jewish life exists outside of these rigid institutions, which often act less as a standard and more as an instrument of exclusion.
I am more than sorry for your family's particular experience of Chabad, especially for your grandson, who at such a young age was rejected in this way. It's appalling. And it's an example of gross discrimination that is often exercised in the ultra-orthodox Jewish world if someone does not measure up to what are out of date and, frankly, ridiculous rules as to what is or is not Jewish identity. Male or female inheritance of identity should not be distinguished between at all. It certainly didn't matter to Hitler - a Jew was a Jew. You, your son and your grandson must have been deeply hurt at this rejection.
Sometimes Chabad are good - welcoming where other ultra-orthodox will not even look at you - travelling as they do in Australia (such a vast country land-wise) to provide Jewish contact with Jews, or a Jew, in regional areas, to prisons, and elsewhere, as well as providing food and succour to Jewish travellers overseas. However, in your case you were failed miserably.
Perhaps your best article (and you have many, many, many good ones!).
I agree, this is one of Joshua's best, if not THE best!
As an Orthodox gay Jew, and as the grandson and great-grandson of Shoah survivors, I find this conversation both important and complicated.
There is truth in the observation that Orthodox communities have built structures of Jewish continuity through daily practice, community, family, and a Judaism that is lived rather than simply experienced. Shabbat, prayer, holidays, learning, and communal responsibility create a rhythm that can carry Judaism across generations.
My own family’s story is one of survival and continuity. The fact that I am here — able to live a Jewish life, to pray, to study, to wrestle with tradition, and to build a Jewish future — is because generations before me refused to allow Jewish life to disappear.
But I also believe the lesson cannot simply be “become Orthodox.” The deeper lesson is that Judaism survives when Jews are given the opportunity to live a Jewish life that feels whole, authentic, and connected.
Being gay and Orthodox has meant wrestling, questioning, learning, and finding a way to remain deeply committed to Torah, tradition, community, and the Jewish people. My identity is not a rejection of Judaism; it is part of my Jewish story.
Orthodox Judaism has much to teach the broader Jewish world about commitment, practice, and continuity. And the broader Jewish world has important lessons about creating space for Jews whose lives and identities do not fit neatly into traditional expectations.
The question we must all ask is not only how we make Judaism unavoidable, but how we ensure that every Jew who loves Judaism can find a place within it.
A thriving Jewish future will require both: the strength of tradition and the courage to embrace the full diversity of the Jewish people.
.. a very interesting article .. thank you Joshua. As the saying goes, ‘it takes all sorts’. And yes, in this ever changing world, the encompassing of difference and variety needs to be considered. As Jannay says above, ‘the structure of Jewish Orthodoxy’ is a major factor in Judaism’s survival through the ages.
An important article, with so much that is meaningful and worth remembering.
Nevertheless, the preservation of Judaism does not seem to depend on the premises described here.It depends on identity, an identity learned by education. It also depends on reproducing, a tragic negative development in the West.
I am a secular Jew who had a tremendous Jewish and Zionist education. I was able to pass on to my equally secular kids the identity, the humour, the joys, the history, the virtues and reasoning of Judaism and Zionism. In their own way, they will pass it on.
On the other hand, I had Orthodox grandparents. There was no love but duty there. In her 80's, after 5 children, my bobbe confessed impromptu to us, the women, in the kitchen, as my zeide lay dying, that she had never known love. I believe her.
We can find durable structures in Islam too. But we dislike them when we see them there.
Reading Freud, not a great believer in civilisation, I have to agree that one of the binding essentials of a society is coercion. We don't like to think of it in the context of Judaism, but the subtle yet powerful social coercion exerted on its members allowed for duty and shame.
I agree that those elements have weakened, but nostalgia for them won't do to forge ahead.
Being isolationist is Biblical. Don't do as the goyim; we are a nation who dwells apart; we were chosen. With Illuminism, we learned to be Jews and to belong with others as well. We would be cursed and blamed either way. But there is no way back.
Today, in Israel, the separatist and anti-Zionist position taken by the ultra-Orthodox has enraged Israelis and many world Jews. I prefer to believe that Israel, secular as it is, preserves the Jewish soul, deep ethics and identity. It is the diaspora that needs reinforcement , but not along orthodox lines.
What a beautiful piece about Orthodox Judaism. I think one of the reasons many non-Orthodox Jews made their lives unemcumbered was to assimilate into the broader population. Because of our affiliation with the local Chabad, we have made Judaism a more important part of our daily lives. They are welcoming, joyful, and celebrate Jewish life with all of those who attend their services and events. Thank you, Joshua, for a wonderful reminder of what being Jewish should mean to us.
Joshua, I enjoyed the article, but I see this very differently.
I don't think the problem is that non-Orthodox Jews refuse to learn from the Orthodox. If anything, I think the Orthodox community has often been the more closed community. It tends to keep to itself, and many non-Orthodox Jews feel like outsiders looking in.
You also make it sound as though strong families are primarily an Orthodox achievement. I don't think that's fair. Plenty of non-Orthodox Jewish families are close, loving, and deeply committed to one another.
I also think it's impossible to ignore the resentment created by Israeli politics. When a relatively small Orthodox sector can exercise enormous influence over national policy through coalition governments, while many in that community are exempt from military service as others bear that burden, resentment is inevitable. Whether one agrees or disagrees with those arrangements, they have consequences for how the rest of Israeli society views the Orthodox community.
Finally, it's worth remembering that modern Zionism and the State of Israel were largely built by secular Jews. Herzl, Ben-Gurion, and many of Israel's founding leaders envisioned a Jewish homeland that was not governed by Orthodox religious authority. I suspect they would be astonished by the political influence that Orthodox parties wield today.
So yes, I think there is much both communities can learn from each other. But I don't believe the lessons flow in only one direction.
If you observe Shabbat and kashrut as an orthodox rabbi defines these mitzvot you can call yourself orthodox. The orthodox also choose which mitzvot to observe—and, sadly, many stress ritual over ethics.
Some of your comments seem rather mean spirited. There are people in every movement - religious and secular- whose actions are at odds with those movements’ beliefs. But that doesn’t mean the beliefs themselves are untenable.
As you say, “Orthodox “ itself is an artificial construct. Surely all of us would be strengthened and enriched as individuals and as a community if we incorporated more mitzvot ( commandments) in our lives - in terms of the sabbath, the way we eat, and the myriad ethical behaviors that are inextricably linked in trying to live a serious Jewish life.
You can replace Jew with Catholic and you have the same occurrence in the Church. The orthodox Catholics are growing in number while cultural Catholics frequently leave the Church.
Every paragraph is important.
Amen
We are a people. Even though we all can disagree on how we should lead our Jewish lives, never forget that we are connected. We are all family. We are Am Yisrael. Forever.
I never knew any Orthodox Jews. Then Oct 7th happened. Like many of my Jewish friends, I wound up at Chabad, at the shul in my neighborhood, and - to my surprise - I found myself not only welcomed there, with open arms (despite being raised secular and being openly gay) but also intrigued and humbled and excited to make new friends. With the help of my Orthodox friends, I'm enjoying the process of learning more about what being Jewish can mean to my life. I'm not about to become a hassid anytime soon, but I can say I have a deep respect for who the hassidim are and the lives they lead. And, perhaps most importantly, they and their families are now dear friends of mine, and supportive, wise guides for my own journey into understanding my heritage and history and spiritual life as a Jew. I used to gape at Orthodox Jews - they were foreign, other, strange and so forth. Now I offer a smile and a warm greeting - and receive one in return. They are simply people, and many of them are very nice people, smart people, kind people. Why couldn't I see that before, when it was a simple truth staring me in the face? I think it had a lot to do with my struggle to accept myself as a Jew - and I'm really glad I'm finally moving past it.