Israeli parents have more confident kids.
Israeli kids — raised within a culture of independence, national purpose, and unfiltered Jewish pride — grow up differently.
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Many young Jews, particularly around the world, seem to lack resilience nowadays.
Generally, we know that people build resilience through the pursuit and endurance of challenges.
“Pain is not just a teacher,” wrote Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist and bestselling author. “It’s a relic — a reminder of your ability to withstand adversity.”
Yet many of today’s young Jews are enclosed in environments which over-emphasize “safe spaces” — only making them less resilient — or what I will call “fragile Jews.”
“Fragile Jews” are on the verge of writing off Judaism and their Jewishness because they tend to lack deep-seated Jewish pride and dignity; they likely have a feeble or non-existent relationship with Israel and Israeli culture, society, and history; they seek mission and purpose seemingly everywhere except Judaism; or some combination thereof.
As a result, in our post-October 7th world, many young Jews are having a difficult time finding the time, space, and confidence to proudly and unequivocally stand up for the Jewish People and our Jewish homeland.
The “fragile Jew” reminds me of, albeit under different circumstances, many Jews before the State of Israel, who displayed “an older Jewish pattern of relying on powerful Gentile guardians, whose ongoing protection must be secured through the techniques of political maneuver and intrigue,” according to Eli Spitzer, headmaster of a Hasidic boys’ school in London.
But the State of Israel, founded in 1948, transformed an extraordinary amount of Jews. It made these Jews more ferocious, more unapologetic, more daring, more adventurous, more optimistic, more heroic, more glorious. And it led to a conception of “the New Jew, whose soul and character would be purged of the disfigurements impressed upon the Diaspora Jew by millennia of exile,” wrote Spitzer.
“Each Zionist thinker differed in identifying which aspects of the Old Jew were particularly objectionable, and thus which aspects of the New Jew were most crucial to inculcate,” added Spitzer, “but all agreed that something had gone drastically wrong in Jewish history which went far beyond the persecution that Jews had suffered at Gentile hands.”
Yet, “the Old Jew” is making a comeback of sorts. The result? Many of today’s young Jews are more insecure, more easily offended, and more reliant on others. They have been taught to seek authority figures to solve their problems and shield them from discomfort, a condition sociologists call “moral dependency.”
To be sure, our elders have had the best of intentions. But efforts to protect younger Jews appear to be backfiring. When we raise kids unaccustomed to facing anything on their own — including antisemitism — the Jewish People are threatened.
How did we come to raise a generation of Jews who cannot handle the basic challenges of being and doing Jewish? And more importantly, how can we prevent “fragile Jews” from becoming an all-out epidemic among the Jewish People?
One answer may lie in a comparison: Israeli parents have more confident kids.
Confidence is not just a personality trait; it’s a crucial tool for resilience, identity, and courage. Across the globe, different Jewish communities raise their children in vastly different environments.
But one thing is clear: Israeli kids — raised within a culture of independence, national purpose, and unfiltered Jewish pride — grow up differently. They are not raised to fear discomfort; they are raised to meet it. They are not taught to shrink their identity in order to fit in; they are taught to stand tall in it.
Israeli parenting, whether consciously or not, seems to produce young Jews with the very confidence and resilience that much of the Diaspora is struggling to instill.
This is not accidental.
Israeli society places a strong emphasis on directness, open communication, and healthy debate — even from a young age. In many Israeli households, it’s common for children to challenge ideas, express opinions openly, and engage in spirited discussions with adults.
Rather than being seen as disrespectful, this is embraced as a sign of critical thinking and strength. As a result, children learn early on that their voice matters. They’re encouraged to speak up and take part in decision-making. This naturally cultivates confidence.
Second, Israeli kids are given more freedom and independence than in many other countries. It’s not uncommon to see young children walking to school alone, navigating public transportation, or playing outdoors without constant adult supervision.
This autonomy is not carelessness; it’s trust. Parents expect their children to develop life skills, street smarts, and a sense of responsibility through real-life experiences. And children, rising to the occasion, learn self-confidence by doing things on their own.
Military service also plays a role in solidifying the confidence of young Israelis. While mandatory service begins at age 18, the culture surrounding the military influences children much earlier.
From a young age, Israeli kids see themselves as future contributors to the nation’s security and society. This fosters a sense of purpose, responsibility, and maturity. By the time they’re teenagers, many already have a clear idea of what it means to be part of something larger than themselves, and this collective identity reinforces inner strength.
But where does the courage to take responsibility really begin?
Some would say it stems from the country’s compulsory military service, but having lived in Israel for nearly a decade now, I would argue that it begins even before then, in the Israeli Scouts — HaTzofim in Hebrew.
Established in 1919, and now with some 80,000 members between the ages of 9 and 18, the Israeli Scouts is the largest youth movement in Israel. It is also famously known as the world’s first egalitarian scouting movement, where boys and girls participate together on an equal basis.
What makes the Israeli Scouts so interesting, however, is that there is basically zero adult supervision. Scouts meet in peer groups and act autonomously, with guidance from young guides (slightly older scouts).
The children and adolescents of the movement are completely self-sufficient, setting their own goals and ambitions. This unique system, which charges youth with responsibility for their own education, is intrinsic to the perception of youth in Israeli society and to their current and future roles as citizens.
Inbal Arieli, an Israeli entrepreneur and author, describes it another way, saying: “Creativity isn’t about ‘thinking outside the box.’ It’s about having the chutzpah1 to imagine a box-less world.”
Arieli calls this approach “the Chutzpah Power” — determined, courageous, and optimistic that anything can be achieved. When we imagine life as a box, no matter if we think inside or outside of it, we limit our creativity. Conversely, when we understand that life is box-less, our creativity is boundless.
Another major factor is the communal nature of Israeli life. Whether it’s in tight-knit neighborhoods, extended family networks, or the historic roots of the kibbutz, Israeli children grow up in a web of social support. They are constantly interacting with people of all ages and learning social skills that enhance their emotional intelligence. Being known and loved not just by parents but by a broader community provides a secure foundation from which confidence can flourish.
And perhaps most importantly, Israeli parents model resilience. The country’s history and ongoing security challenges have created a society that is constantly adapting and pushing forward despite adversity. Children see their parents handle stress, uncertainty, and even danger with strength and humor. This creates an environment where perseverance is normalized, and children internalize the belief that they, too, can handle life’s challenges.
In conclusion, if we want to raise a generation of proud, resilient, and confident Jews — young people who are prepared to take ownership of their identity and defend it when necessary — we must look seriously at what’s working in Israeli parenting and society.
Israeli parents are not raising “fragile Jews.” They are raising strong Jews. And in this moment of reckoning for the Jewish People, we need a lot more of that.
Hebrew for audacity
I wholeheartedly agree with you! The basic moral principles of life still apply in Israel. I experienced this when I lived there. What a contrast with the way Western Countries raise their children at the moment. No conviction, no discipline, no values, living in a vacuum, waiting to be filled by nonsense. I despair.
Very interesting.
Parents in the US are raising fragile children period, though, regardless of religion.