Hi everyone! Thank you so much for your amazing comments and engagement with my story. I’m seeing a lot of anger here at my old friend, and I wanted to say that I do sympathise a lot with what people are saying.
I was originally working with an editor at Slate to tell this story and wrote it with a more leftist audience in mind. Slate eventually dropped the piece because it was “too biased in favor of Israel,” so if anything, I find your comments refreshing. Wanted to provide some context in terms of why the piece is maybe *slightly* more balanced than even I would have liked. Either way, I stand by most of what I said, but I am 100% on Israel’s side and appreciate all of you for calling out the lack of moral equivalence here—which I wholeheartedly agree with.
Liza, I had a question, when you say is was “maybe *slightly* more balanced than even I would’ve liked.” Did you mean on the part where you talked about her people becoming displaced because of Israel? I’ll add some historical context to that for everyone.
The Nakba in 1948 had many causes but none of them was a policy of deliberate expulsion of Arabs by the Israeli government. Usually when the IDF conquered a city or village, they would allow those Arabs who remained to stay as long as they did not present a threat to them. In cases where a city or village was forcibly expelled it was because that particular population was hostile or gave help to the invading Arab armies.
Also, these expulsions were not ethnic cleansing but rather population exchanges. Ethnic cleansing is when you seek to destroy a whole race, ethnicity, national, or religion. This was nothing of the sort. A population exchange is when you separate two populations because they can’t get along and reunite them with their fellow countrymen.
This is a more accurate description of what Israel did. But it is the case that David Ben-Gurion and many Jews were happy to see as many Arabs leave as possible and the former hoped for as small an Arab minority in Israel as possible. Neither of these points had anything to do with racism but rather because for decades of not centuries, these folks had been a threat to their lives and very existence. For those who moralize and claim any of this is wrong: A) Your missing the historical context. B) History is ugly and is full of hard decisions and things that aren’t pleasant.
I have great sympathy for the Palestinian refugees but the situation was what it was. As for the 700,000 Palestinians who fled in the Nakba, they weren’t aloud back for good reason. 1) In order to have a state of their own where Jews are not discriminated against, they needed to be the demographic majority. 2) They would have a massive hostile populace in their borders.
Returning to my point at the beginning, the Nakba had a variety of causes:
1) Palestinians fleeing to get out of the crossfire and protect their families.
2) The Arab countries or Arab commanders telling them to leave.
3) Forcible expulsion by the IDF or fleeing in fear after Dier Yassin.
Yes, though some places were expelled even without resistance. If they anticipated resistance. Lod and Ramle didn’t resist but were on the road to Jerusalem. But what you say is generally right. Some expelled, most fled, some stayed, no policy of kicking them all which is why Israel is 20% Arab.
Your friend wants to kill you. Or at least your people and you are one of them. You wouldn't dream of wanting to kill her. You only want your own people to be able to defend themselves. You are glad your people's nation exists. Your friend has come to hate you because you are glad your nation exists. That's the difference. Your friend has been indoctrinated to applaud genocide by her people while claiming your people are the perps. This is not a misunderstanding. This is a horrific evil.
This is the perfect answer. Doug is correct. Even though there were some parallels in your lives at one point, you are now diametrically opposed. The reason she used the word "genocide" so early in the conflict is because she had been pre-programmed to believe this lie. She has been being indoctrinated since birth, and at some point, that indoctrination was bound to achieve "critical mass". Your childhood friend does not exist anymore. Enjoy your memories. You will have wonderful new friends who don't want to kill you and your people.
You have so much empathy for your friend, and she seemingly has none for you. I also don't buy that the Arabs were "kicked out" the way the Jews have been - the removal, some of which was voluntary and encouraged by the Arab states, was a result of the Arabs waging a war against Israel and losing.
What a wonderful, self-revealing account. My stepfather, the only father I knew, was a second generation Lithuanian Jew, and what a delightful, sweet man he was.
We went to Israel in 1965, where I met a housefull of relations with colorful mannerisms and unexpected stories. Boris Stern, who I liked a lot, had fought the British in 1948.
My step cousin, 17 years old, was IDF. Perimeter guard at a kibbutz on the border with Jordan. Uzi submachine gun. Wrinkly hair. Nice hips. I wanted to talk to her, but I was too shy.
I loved all of Dad's people. I think of them often.
Israel is in the Arab world. The Arabs are not in the Jewish world. The Arabs of Palestine have a lot of homeland. And many Arabs live in Israel as well. Not so much for the Jews living in Arab countries. You're better off without your former friend and good for you for standing up for your own identity. The alternative is a poison kiss.
This is a beautiful essay. One of my childhood best friends had an Egyptian parent. Our families always socialized without any kind of conflict. Neither of our families was religious. Then when I became "a Zionist" in college her father started writing me personal emails about how terrible Israel is. I fought back at every turn until he eventually dropped it. (I recall him defending the expulsion of Jews from Egypt - they deserved it!) My friend and I always exchanged emails on our birthdays - for over two decades, until last year, when she stopped writing to me. I will try her one more time before I let it go. Anti-Zionism is such a poison and it runs deep in families. Such a sad thing to lose a best friend over. I'm sorry.
I read this amazing essay by Liza that couldn’t be more timely given the current Gaza War and the hatreds it has unleashed, and loved it! It was such an unexpected treat to see it released in the Future of Jewish publication! Please ignore the very rude comment at the bottom going crazy and saying Palestine and Palestinians don’t exist.
This is an essay that ought to be published in the NY Times or the Washington Post! Liza and her friend met each other and bonded over the common experience of being a newcomer in this new, strange land they’d come to called America. They came together united by a common immigrant experience. Liza and this young lady formed what they thought, was an unbreakable bond. Liza also at the same time became aware of a country she’s never heard of before, Israel. A girl who served in the IDF came to her Jewish summer camp and spoke, this is when Liza first becomes aware of the Jewish homeland.
Liza for understandable reasons didn’t have a connection to her Jewish heritage because her dad again understandably, didn’t want his kids to face the same prejudice and discrimination he did for being a Jew. People forget that the Soviet Union was just as rabidly antisemitic as their Tsarist predecessors were. So Liza knew nothing of Israel prior to that point. But at first she didn’t really take to the nation state of the Jewish people finding it primitive and backwards.
Her friend and here’s relationship however would soon become a bit chilly when Liza made it clear she didn’t like all these ridiculous things her conservative Muslim parents made her do. Liza then revealed to her friend she was Jewish. Her friend was surprised and a bit taken aback. This is not because her friend was antisemitic, but because her parents likely were. They would not approve of their daughter hanging around with a Jewish girl.
Their friendship started to grow gradually more and more chilly as the attacks on Gaza took place in 2021 and Liza went to college and became educated about the land of Israel and her connection to it as a Jew. After October 7th, Liza showed her solidarity with the Jewish state after the horrific attack perpetrated on it by the demons in human form in Hamas.
But her friend was very upset by this and wrote her a message saying she was sad to see that Liza was supporting genocide. Let’s just say that completed the chilling process and they didn’t talk for a while. Then one day her friend reached out and told Liza she felt bad about the deterioration of their friendship. Liza responded graciously by saying she’d be open to a civil conversation over coffee. I hope someday that conversation will take place.
It just goes to show that Israelis and Palestinians CAN make peace and friendship between them IS possible! A Jewish girl and a Palestinian girl struck up a friendship over their shared immigrant roots and interests. Against all odds, it happened and can happen over and over and over again if we are open-minded and dialogue and cultural exchange between the two peoples is worked at. Israelis and Palestinians deserve better than to be constantly locked into this horrific, bloodbath of a conflict that has been going on now without interruption for over seventy years!
It’s time to take a different path! The path of peace and coexistence. At the end of the day, Israelis and Palestinians are more alike than they are different. They share similar cultures, customs and food. They both know what it’s like to feel the sting of oppression, exclusion and expulsion. Both are indigenous to and have a historical connection to and love for, the same piece of land, which both calm home and have for over a millennia and centuries respectively. Heck! Their related to one another! They are both descendants of the Ancient Canaanites and Israelites and are therefore cousins. This article reminds me so much of Abraham’s two sons from the Bible.
Liza is Isaac and her friend is Ishmael, they are in a sense family. There’s no need to fight over who gets father’s love. They both do and both deserve it! Zionism and Palestinian nationalism are NOT mutual exclusive! One needn’t come at the expense of the other. It’s time everyone started to realize this. The holy land belongs to ALL of Adam and Eve’s descendants NOT just the Jews or the Arabs! Both of them! I personally am a Christian Zionist. I believe that it was no accident these two peoples were brought together on the same piece of land. I believe it happened because that’s the way God wanted it.
He intended for them to share it and live together in peace and prosperity as a model for all the world of how human beings can resolve our differences. It wasn’t an accident that the children of Isaac and the children of Ishmael came together in the holy land! For it was a gift God gave them BOTH! They must learn how to share that gift with one another and not hog it all to themselves while denying their cousin their mutual inheritance from their Heavenly Father.
Well said, and this essay should be published in both the NY Times and the Washington Post. My thoughts turn to the kibbutzim and the festival goers who almost certainly shared such sentiments and still were deliberately targeted for brutal slaughter on October 7. How can those who righteously support the demonisation of Israel not see it?
I loved this essay and applaud your compassion. I hear all the anger towards your friend in the comments and I understand that too. We are 2 peoples who see the same situation through our own lenses. Really we are billions of people seeing the world through the lenses that have been inscribed on our psyche's. When we finally understand this by truly hearing each other - then perhaps we can find a way to peace.
I was with you all the way, feeling your sadness & pain.
Until this: “so her family had been chased out of theirs….her family had suffered at the hands of mine.”
You need to go back & read the history of Britain Mandate ‘Palestine’.
Starting with the almost half million economic migrants who entered Palestine post WWI.
They entered from the Caucasus, Egypt, Syria, Algeria, Saudi Arabia, Armenia, Afghanistan, Yemen, Libya, Lebanon, Persia, Turkey, Sudan & Bosnia.
The UNRWA definition of ‘Palestinian refugees’:
“Persons whose normal place of residence was Palestine 1st June 1946 - 15th May 1948. “
Yes, less than 2 years‼️
The descendants of “Palestine refugee” males including adopted children also eligible for registration.
We did NOT drive them out. The surrounding Arab nations did so.
Some Facts About the “Nakba”
APRIL 23, 1948 – Jamal Husseini, acting chairman of the Palestine Arab Higher Committee (AHC), told the UN Security Council: “The Arabs did not want to submit to a truce. They preferred to abandon their homes & everything they possessed.”
SEPTEMBER 6, 1948 – Beirut Daily Telegraph quoted Emil Ghory, AHC secretary: “The fact there are refugees is the direct consequence of the Arab states opposing partition & the Jewish state. The Arab states agreed on this policy unanimously.”
OCTOBER 2, 1948 – The Economist reported on Haifa’s Arabs fleeing: “The most potent factor was the Arab Higher Executive urging all Arabs in Haifa to quit. It was intimated that Arabs who remained under Jewish protection would be regarded as renegades.”
Khaled al-Azem, Syrian PM (1948), in his 1973 memoirs: “The fifth factor in our failure was Arab governments calling on Palestinians to evacuate & leave for bordering Arab countries. We brought destruction upon a million refugees by urging them to leave their land.”
FEBRUARY 19, 1949 – Jordanian daily Falastin: “Arab states encouraged Palestinian Arabs to leave their homes to be out of the way of Arab invasion armies.”
JUNE 8, 1951 – Habib Issa, Arab League secretary-general, in al-Hoda: “Azzam Pasha assured Arabs that occupying Palestine & Tel Aviv would be easy. Palestinians were advised to leave temporarily.”
APRIL 9, 1953 – Jordanian daily al-Urdun quoted refugee Yunes Ahmed Assad: “Our leaders exaggerated Jewish crimes to inflame Arabs, instilling terror until they fled, leaving homes & property.”
SEPTEMBER 6, 1954 – A refugee told a-Difaa: “The Arab governments told us, ‘Get out so we can get in.’ We left, but they did not enter.”
British diplomat, Gaza visit: “Refugees express no bitterness toward Jews but blame Arab states for persuading them unnecessarily to leave their homes.” (British Foreign Office Document)
MARCH 1976 – Falastin a-Thaura – Mahmoud Abbas: “Arab armies entered Palestine to protect Palestinians but abandoned them, forced them to emigrate & threw them into prisons.”
[From “Revising or Devising Israel’s History” by Prof. Shlomo Slonim]
In a revealing 2012 interview on Egypt’s Al-Hekma TV, Fathi Hammad—then Hamas Minister of the Interior and National Security—admitted that many who identify as Palestinians trace their roots to neighboring Arab countries such as Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, and others. This admission aligns with statements made in 1977 by PLO executive Zahir Muhsein, who noted that the Palestinian identity was politically constructed as a strategy against Israel.
Historically, there has never been a sovereign state called Palestine governed by a distinct Palestinian people. Prior to 1948, the term “Palestinian” referred to Jews; & Arabs living under the British Mandate considered themselves to be Arabs - or Southern Syrians. Or they identified themselves with the countries they left post WWI as economic migrants: from Sudan, Turkey, the Caucasus, Egypt, Russia, Syria, Algeria, Saudi Arabia, Armenia, Afghanistan, Yemen, Libya, Lebanon, Persia & Bosnia.
Following Israel’s establishment, Jewish identity became distinct from the evolving Arab national narrative—largely shaped in reaction to the existence of a Jewish state.
This conflict is rooted in deep political, historical & religious tensions. While many seek peaceful coexistence, others have fueled the flames of hatred through propaganda, denial of Jewish historical ties to the land & incitement.
It’s critical to separate fact from fiction. The region’s complex history deserves honest, fact-based discourse—not ideological distortion. The Jewish people have had continuous presence & connection to the Land of Israel for millennia. Recognizing this does not negate the rights or dignity of others, but failing to acknowledge it, perpetuates conflict.
The tragedy of today’s war—ignited by terror organizations like Hamas & Hezbollah—is that it continues to be framed falsely by some as a one-sided genocide rather than a defensive response to acts of brutal aggression. Israel’s right to defend its citizens must not be overshadowed by revisionist history or selective outrage.
Did you know the majority of the land purchased for Jewish settlement in pre-state Israel was bought from absentee landowners who didn’t even live in Palestine?
Many of these sellers resided in Beirut, Damascus, Cairo, Istanbul & even Europe, for whom land was a financial asset.
These individuals owned large estates & sold parcels to Jewish buyers, usually without the regard for tenant farmers, driven by a combination of economic, political & social factors.
Here’s why:
*Financial Incentives: High profits from land sales
as Jewish buyers usually paid above-market prices for Land, making sales highly attractive.
*Tax Burdens: Under Ottoman & later British rule, large landowners faced heavy taxes. Selling land- especially less profitable or remote plots was a way to avoid financial strain.
*Cash Over Agriculture: Many absentee landlords preferred immediate cash over long-term agricultural income from tenant farmers.
*Under Ottoman law tenant farmers (fellahin) had no formal ownership rights, even if they'd worked the land for generations. The power lay with the deed-holders.
While the British tried to regulate land sales (e.g. the 1920 Land Transfer Ordinance) enforcement was weak, & loopholes allowed sales to proceed without tenant consent.
Many large landowners were wealthy or foreign investors with no personal ties to the tenant farmers.
There were protests (e.g. 1921 Jaffa riots, partly over land disputes), but tenant farmers had little power against either the landlords or colonial authorities.
As the economy modernized, land became a speculative asset rather than a means of subsistence. This fueled resentment among peasant farmers contributing to the 1936–1939 Arab Revolt where land sales were a major grievance.
The British Mandate authorities facilitated these sales by upholding property laws favouring landowners over tenants, despite occasional restrictions.
The Palestine Land Development Company (PLDC) established in 1908, facilitated Jewish land purchases & agricultural settlement in Ottoman - & later British Mandate - Palestine, playing a crucial role in acquiring land that would become part of Israel.
It was involved in transactions in Haifa, Jerusalem, the Galilee, plus Lands in the Hula & Jezreel Valleys. Other notable land purchases included the land on which Tel Aviv was built in the 1900s.
The land sales led to tenant evictions & modern day claims that the Land of Israel was built upon "occupied" or "stolen" Land.
It wasn't.
The PLDC acquisitions helped establish the shape of modern-day Israel, based upon existing areas of population long before Israel's declaration of statehood in 1948.
52.8% of the land bought by Jews was from non-Palestinian landowners
24.6% from landowners living in Palestine
13.4% from government, churches & foreign companies
“And just like my family had been chased out of our homes by the people who shared her religion, so her family had been chased out of theirs.
My family had suffered at the hands of her people, and her family had suffered at the hands of mine.”
The crucial difference? Her family was responsible for the suffering of both peoples.
All land owned by Jews prior to 1947 was purchased legally, often from absentee Arab/Turkish landlords, and often at exorbitant prices.
The Arabs of Palestine lost a war of extermination they started - twice - and in the process lost land each time.
That’s called natural consequences.
This intractable conflict is wholly due to 100 years of Palestinian intransigence, absolute commitment to violence, inability to compromise and refusal to accept the legitimate Jewish indigenous ties to the land.
We cannot allow the current fads of moral relativism and uncritical acceptance of all narratives to detract from historical facts and truth.
Loved the essay, and feel sad, yet again, that such a friendship was doomed from the start. I suggest a different title, though. It was not your friend who increased your knowledge of Israel’s past and present, but I am glad it happened eventually. The events that, and people who influence our understanding and our circumstances are varied, and powerful.
This is the best thing I have ever read on Jewish Palestinian relationships and friendship.
You have perfectly echoed my own experience with a Muslim woman friend (which - in a way fortunately - fell apart some time before October 7th and for different reasons).
I now feel that there really can't be genuine friendships involving any true depth between Muslims and Jews because their moral compasses and mentalities are literally worlds apart, while they ironically have much in common including desire to live freely in Israel.
Without collapsing into stereotypes we only have to look at the Muslim spin on October 7th. The fact is that this atrocity only happened because Israel let her guard down. Is thar a fault, or is it the result of Jews hoping to be able to live in peaceful cohabitation?
Did Muslims - through their democratically elected leaders - simply observe and wait patiently for an opportunity to seize the day? Had they spent the previous decades waiting patiently? Cam they expect absolute equality when their proclaimed imperative is to wipe out Judaism for reasons I can't fathom, since no one since the Nazis has so brazenly made their desire to destroy another race (and - short aside: is not that the essence of "genocide"?) ?
In any case, for a time the world was divided into black and white. Now it's divided into Jew and Muslim. You have to pick a side. This makes friendships between us impossible.
I have (had) a friend in NY. We were inseparable. I knew he was from a Muslim background but it never mattered. We dreamed of one day having a deli called Saadsteins that would serve Jewish and Mediterranean food from bagels and nova to kataifi and baklava. Schwarma and falafel. After October 7th he began to post things about genocide, colonialism, from the river to the sea. I asked him if he wanted me and my family dead? Did he know what those things meant? Does he realize that as a gay man, his own people would push him from a rooftop or behead him? We don’t speak now. I miss him.
What I have not been able to understand is how “Palestine” or “Palestinian” is written (and pronounced) in Arabic. Arabic does not have the hard “P” sound in their language.
Hi everyone! Thank you so much for your amazing comments and engagement with my story. I’m seeing a lot of anger here at my old friend, and I wanted to say that I do sympathise a lot with what people are saying.
I was originally working with an editor at Slate to tell this story and wrote it with a more leftist audience in mind. Slate eventually dropped the piece because it was “too biased in favor of Israel,” so if anything, I find your comments refreshing. Wanted to provide some context in terms of why the piece is maybe *slightly* more balanced than even I would have liked. Either way, I stand by most of what I said, but I am 100% on Israel’s side and appreciate all of you for calling out the lack of moral equivalence here—which I wholeheartedly agree with.
Thanks again for reading!
Liza, I had a question, when you say is was “maybe *slightly* more balanced than even I would’ve liked.” Did you mean on the part where you talked about her people becoming displaced because of Israel? I’ll add some historical context to that for everyone.
The Nakba in 1948 had many causes but none of them was a policy of deliberate expulsion of Arabs by the Israeli government. Usually when the IDF conquered a city or village, they would allow those Arabs who remained to stay as long as they did not present a threat to them. In cases where a city or village was forcibly expelled it was because that particular population was hostile or gave help to the invading Arab armies.
Also, these expulsions were not ethnic cleansing but rather population exchanges. Ethnic cleansing is when you seek to destroy a whole race, ethnicity, national, or religion. This was nothing of the sort. A population exchange is when you separate two populations because they can’t get along and reunite them with their fellow countrymen.
This is a more accurate description of what Israel did. But it is the case that David Ben-Gurion and many Jews were happy to see as many Arabs leave as possible and the former hoped for as small an Arab minority in Israel as possible. Neither of these points had anything to do with racism but rather because for decades of not centuries, these folks had been a threat to their lives and very existence. For those who moralize and claim any of this is wrong: A) Your missing the historical context. B) History is ugly and is full of hard decisions and things that aren’t pleasant.
I have great sympathy for the Palestinian refugees but the situation was what it was. As for the 700,000 Palestinians who fled in the Nakba, they weren’t aloud back for good reason. 1) In order to have a state of their own where Jews are not discriminated against, they needed to be the demographic majority. 2) They would have a massive hostile populace in their borders.
Returning to my point at the beginning, the Nakba had a variety of causes:
1) Palestinians fleeing to get out of the crossfire and protect their families.
2) The Arab countries or Arab commanders telling them to leave.
3) Forcible expulsion by the IDF or fleeing in fear after Dier Yassin.
Yes, though some places were expelled even without resistance. If they anticipated resistance. Lod and Ramle didn’t resist but were on the road to Jerusalem. But what you say is generally right. Some expelled, most fled, some stayed, no policy of kicking them all which is why Israel is 20% Arab.
Your friend wants to kill you. Or at least your people and you are one of them. You wouldn't dream of wanting to kill her. You only want your own people to be able to defend themselves. You are glad your people's nation exists. Your friend has come to hate you because you are glad your nation exists. That's the difference. Your friend has been indoctrinated to applaud genocide by her people while claiming your people are the perps. This is not a misunderstanding. This is a horrific evil.
This is the perfect answer. Doug is correct. Even though there were some parallels in your lives at one point, you are now diametrically opposed. The reason she used the word "genocide" so early in the conflict is because she had been pre-programmed to believe this lie. She has been being indoctrinated since birth, and at some point, that indoctrination was bound to achieve "critical mass". Your childhood friend does not exist anymore. Enjoy your memories. You will have wonderful new friends who don't want to kill you and your people.
You have so much empathy for your friend, and she seemingly has none for you. I also don't buy that the Arabs were "kicked out" the way the Jews have been - the removal, some of which was voluntary and encouraged by the Arab states, was a result of the Arabs waging a war against Israel and losing.
What a wonderful, self-revealing account. My stepfather, the only father I knew, was a second generation Lithuanian Jew, and what a delightful, sweet man he was.
We went to Israel in 1965, where I met a housefull of relations with colorful mannerisms and unexpected stories. Boris Stern, who I liked a lot, had fought the British in 1948.
My step cousin, 17 years old, was IDF. Perimeter guard at a kibbutz on the border with Jordan. Uzi submachine gun. Wrinkly hair. Nice hips. I wanted to talk to her, but I was too shy.
I loved all of Dad's people. I think of them often.
https://open.substack.com/pub/johngdyer/p/camera-familia-2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=f4ivk
Israel is in the Arab world. The Arabs are not in the Jewish world. The Arabs of Palestine have a lot of homeland. And many Arabs live in Israel as well. Not so much for the Jews living in Arab countries. You're better off without your former friend and good for you for standing up for your own identity. The alternative is a poison kiss.
This is a beautiful essay. One of my childhood best friends had an Egyptian parent. Our families always socialized without any kind of conflict. Neither of our families was religious. Then when I became "a Zionist" in college her father started writing me personal emails about how terrible Israel is. I fought back at every turn until he eventually dropped it. (I recall him defending the expulsion of Jews from Egypt - they deserved it!) My friend and I always exchanged emails on our birthdays - for over two decades, until last year, when she stopped writing to me. I will try her one more time before I let it go. Anti-Zionism is such a poison and it runs deep in families. Such a sad thing to lose a best friend over. I'm sorry.
I read this amazing essay by Liza that couldn’t be more timely given the current Gaza War and the hatreds it has unleashed, and loved it! It was such an unexpected treat to see it released in the Future of Jewish publication! Please ignore the very rude comment at the bottom going crazy and saying Palestine and Palestinians don’t exist.
This is an essay that ought to be published in the NY Times or the Washington Post! Liza and her friend met each other and bonded over the common experience of being a newcomer in this new, strange land they’d come to called America. They came together united by a common immigrant experience. Liza and this young lady formed what they thought, was an unbreakable bond. Liza also at the same time became aware of a country she’s never heard of before, Israel. A girl who served in the IDF came to her Jewish summer camp and spoke, this is when Liza first becomes aware of the Jewish homeland.
Liza for understandable reasons didn’t have a connection to her Jewish heritage because her dad again understandably, didn’t want his kids to face the same prejudice and discrimination he did for being a Jew. People forget that the Soviet Union was just as rabidly antisemitic as their Tsarist predecessors were. So Liza knew nothing of Israel prior to that point. But at first she didn’t really take to the nation state of the Jewish people finding it primitive and backwards.
Her friend and here’s relationship however would soon become a bit chilly when Liza made it clear she didn’t like all these ridiculous things her conservative Muslim parents made her do. Liza then revealed to her friend she was Jewish. Her friend was surprised and a bit taken aback. This is not because her friend was antisemitic, but because her parents likely were. They would not approve of their daughter hanging around with a Jewish girl.
Their friendship started to grow gradually more and more chilly as the attacks on Gaza took place in 2021 and Liza went to college and became educated about the land of Israel and her connection to it as a Jew. After October 7th, Liza showed her solidarity with the Jewish state after the horrific attack perpetrated on it by the demons in human form in Hamas.
But her friend was very upset by this and wrote her a message saying she was sad to see that Liza was supporting genocide. Let’s just say that completed the chilling process and they didn’t talk for a while. Then one day her friend reached out and told Liza she felt bad about the deterioration of their friendship. Liza responded graciously by saying she’d be open to a civil conversation over coffee. I hope someday that conversation will take place.
It just goes to show that Israelis and Palestinians CAN make peace and friendship between them IS possible! A Jewish girl and a Palestinian girl struck up a friendship over their shared immigrant roots and interests. Against all odds, it happened and can happen over and over and over again if we are open-minded and dialogue and cultural exchange between the two peoples is worked at. Israelis and Palestinians deserve better than to be constantly locked into this horrific, bloodbath of a conflict that has been going on now without interruption for over seventy years!
It’s time to take a different path! The path of peace and coexistence. At the end of the day, Israelis and Palestinians are more alike than they are different. They share similar cultures, customs and food. They both know what it’s like to feel the sting of oppression, exclusion and expulsion. Both are indigenous to and have a historical connection to and love for, the same piece of land, which both calm home and have for over a millennia and centuries respectively. Heck! Their related to one another! They are both descendants of the Ancient Canaanites and Israelites and are therefore cousins. This article reminds me so much of Abraham’s two sons from the Bible.
Liza is Isaac and her friend is Ishmael, they are in a sense family. There’s no need to fight over who gets father’s love. They both do and both deserve it! Zionism and Palestinian nationalism are NOT mutual exclusive! One needn’t come at the expense of the other. It’s time everyone started to realize this. The holy land belongs to ALL of Adam and Eve’s descendants NOT just the Jews or the Arabs! Both of them! I personally am a Christian Zionist. I believe that it was no accident these two peoples were brought together on the same piece of land. I believe it happened because that’s the way God wanted it.
He intended for them to share it and live together in peace and prosperity as a model for all the world of how human beings can resolve our differences. It wasn’t an accident that the children of Isaac and the children of Ishmael came together in the holy land! For it was a gift God gave them BOTH! They must learn how to share that gift with one another and not hog it all to themselves while denying their cousin their mutual inheritance from their Heavenly Father.
Well said, and this essay should be published in both the NY Times and the Washington Post. My thoughts turn to the kibbutzim and the festival goers who almost certainly shared such sentiments and still were deliberately targeted for brutal slaughter on October 7. How can those who righteously support the demonisation of Israel not see it?
I loved this essay and applaud your compassion. I hear all the anger towards your friend in the comments and I understand that too. We are 2 peoples who see the same situation through our own lenses. Really we are billions of people seeing the world through the lenses that have been inscribed on our psyche's. When we finally understand this by truly hearing each other - then perhaps we can find a way to peace.
Poignant story. 😢Sad when even good friends cannot hold compassion. I admire your bravery in trying.
I was with you all the way, feeling your sadness & pain.
Until this: “so her family had been chased out of theirs….her family had suffered at the hands of mine.”
You need to go back & read the history of Britain Mandate ‘Palestine’.
Starting with the almost half million economic migrants who entered Palestine post WWI.
They entered from the Caucasus, Egypt, Syria, Algeria, Saudi Arabia, Armenia, Afghanistan, Yemen, Libya, Lebanon, Persia, Turkey, Sudan & Bosnia.
The UNRWA definition of ‘Palestinian refugees’:
“Persons whose normal place of residence was Palestine 1st June 1946 - 15th May 1948. “
Yes, less than 2 years‼️
The descendants of “Palestine refugee” males including adopted children also eligible for registration.
We did NOT drive them out. The surrounding Arab nations did so.
Some Facts About the “Nakba”
APRIL 23, 1948 – Jamal Husseini, acting chairman of the Palestine Arab Higher Committee (AHC), told the UN Security Council: “The Arabs did not want to submit to a truce. They preferred to abandon their homes & everything they possessed.”
SEPTEMBER 6, 1948 – Beirut Daily Telegraph quoted Emil Ghory, AHC secretary: “The fact there are refugees is the direct consequence of the Arab states opposing partition & the Jewish state. The Arab states agreed on this policy unanimously.”
OCTOBER 2, 1948 – The Economist reported on Haifa’s Arabs fleeing: “The most potent factor was the Arab Higher Executive urging all Arabs in Haifa to quit. It was intimated that Arabs who remained under Jewish protection would be regarded as renegades.”
Khaled al-Azem, Syrian PM (1948), in his 1973 memoirs: “The fifth factor in our failure was Arab governments calling on Palestinians to evacuate & leave for bordering Arab countries. We brought destruction upon a million refugees by urging them to leave their land.”
FEBRUARY 19, 1949 – Jordanian daily Falastin: “Arab states encouraged Palestinian Arabs to leave their homes to be out of the way of Arab invasion armies.”
JUNE 8, 1951 – Habib Issa, Arab League secretary-general, in al-Hoda: “Azzam Pasha assured Arabs that occupying Palestine & Tel Aviv would be easy. Palestinians were advised to leave temporarily.”
APRIL 9, 1953 – Jordanian daily al-Urdun quoted refugee Yunes Ahmed Assad: “Our leaders exaggerated Jewish crimes to inflame Arabs, instilling terror until they fled, leaving homes & property.”
SEPTEMBER 6, 1954 – A refugee told a-Difaa: “The Arab governments told us, ‘Get out so we can get in.’ We left, but they did not enter.”
British diplomat, Gaza visit: “Refugees express no bitterness toward Jews but blame Arab states for persuading them unnecessarily to leave their homes.” (British Foreign Office Document)
MARCH 1976 – Falastin a-Thaura – Mahmoud Abbas: “Arab armies entered Palestine to protect Palestinians but abandoned them, forced them to emigrate & threw them into prisons.”
[From “Revising or Devising Israel’s History” by Prof. Shlomo Slonim]
In a revealing 2012 interview on Egypt’s Al-Hekma TV, Fathi Hammad—then Hamas Minister of the Interior and National Security—admitted that many who identify as Palestinians trace their roots to neighboring Arab countries such as Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, and others. This admission aligns with statements made in 1977 by PLO executive Zahir Muhsein, who noted that the Palestinian identity was politically constructed as a strategy against Israel.
Historically, there has never been a sovereign state called Palestine governed by a distinct Palestinian people. Prior to 1948, the term “Palestinian” referred to Jews; & Arabs living under the British Mandate considered themselves to be Arabs - or Southern Syrians. Or they identified themselves with the countries they left post WWI as economic migrants: from Sudan, Turkey, the Caucasus, Egypt, Russia, Syria, Algeria, Saudi Arabia, Armenia, Afghanistan, Yemen, Libya, Lebanon, Persia & Bosnia.
Following Israel’s establishment, Jewish identity became distinct from the evolving Arab national narrative—largely shaped in reaction to the existence of a Jewish state.
This conflict is rooted in deep political, historical & religious tensions. While many seek peaceful coexistence, others have fueled the flames of hatred through propaganda, denial of Jewish historical ties to the land & incitement.
It’s critical to separate fact from fiction. The region’s complex history deserves honest, fact-based discourse—not ideological distortion. The Jewish people have had continuous presence & connection to the Land of Israel for millennia. Recognizing this does not negate the rights or dignity of others, but failing to acknowledge it, perpetuates conflict.
The tragedy of today’s war—ignited by terror organizations like Hamas & Hezbollah—is that it continues to be framed falsely by some as a one-sided genocide rather than a defensive response to acts of brutal aggression. Israel’s right to defend its citizens must not be overshadowed by revisionist history or selective outrage.
Did you know the majority of the land purchased for Jewish settlement in pre-state Israel was bought from absentee landowners who didn’t even live in Palestine?
Many of these sellers resided in Beirut, Damascus, Cairo, Istanbul & even Europe, for whom land was a financial asset.
These individuals owned large estates & sold parcels to Jewish buyers, usually without the regard for tenant farmers, driven by a combination of economic, political & social factors.
Here’s why:
*Financial Incentives: High profits from land sales
as Jewish buyers usually paid above-market prices for Land, making sales highly attractive.
*Tax Burdens: Under Ottoman & later British rule, large landowners faced heavy taxes. Selling land- especially less profitable or remote plots was a way to avoid financial strain.
*Cash Over Agriculture: Many absentee landlords preferred immediate cash over long-term agricultural income from tenant farmers.
*Under Ottoman law tenant farmers (fellahin) had no formal ownership rights, even if they'd worked the land for generations. The power lay with the deed-holders.
While the British tried to regulate land sales (e.g. the 1920 Land Transfer Ordinance) enforcement was weak, & loopholes allowed sales to proceed without tenant consent.
Many large landowners were wealthy or foreign investors with no personal ties to the tenant farmers.
There were protests (e.g. 1921 Jaffa riots, partly over land disputes), but tenant farmers had little power against either the landlords or colonial authorities.
As the economy modernized, land became a speculative asset rather than a means of subsistence. This fueled resentment among peasant farmers contributing to the 1936–1939 Arab Revolt where land sales were a major grievance.
The British Mandate authorities facilitated these sales by upholding property laws favouring landowners over tenants, despite occasional restrictions.
The Palestine Land Development Company (PLDC) established in 1908, facilitated Jewish land purchases & agricultural settlement in Ottoman - & later British Mandate - Palestine, playing a crucial role in acquiring land that would become part of Israel.
It was involved in transactions in Haifa, Jerusalem, the Galilee, plus Lands in the Hula & Jezreel Valleys. Other notable land purchases included the land on which Tel Aviv was built in the 1900s.
The land sales led to tenant evictions & modern day claims that the Land of Israel was built upon "occupied" or "stolen" Land.
It wasn't.
The PLDC acquisitions helped establish the shape of modern-day Israel, based upon existing areas of population long before Israel's declaration of statehood in 1948.
52.8% of the land bought by Jews was from non-Palestinian landowners
24.6% from landowners living in Palestine
13.4% from government, churches & foreign companies
9.4% from local farmers
Facts matter. So does truth.
Beautiful background, Helen!
“And just like my family had been chased out of our homes by the people who shared her religion, so her family had been chased out of theirs.
My family had suffered at the hands of her people, and her family had suffered at the hands of mine.”
The crucial difference? Her family was responsible for the suffering of both peoples.
All land owned by Jews prior to 1947 was purchased legally, often from absentee Arab/Turkish landlords, and often at exorbitant prices.
The Arabs of Palestine lost a war of extermination they started - twice - and in the process lost land each time.
That’s called natural consequences.
This intractable conflict is wholly due to 100 years of Palestinian intransigence, absolute commitment to violence, inability to compromise and refusal to accept the legitimate Jewish indigenous ties to the land.
We cannot allow the current fads of moral relativism and uncritical acceptance of all narratives to detract from historical facts and truth.
Loved the essay, and feel sad, yet again, that such a friendship was doomed from the start. I suggest a different title, though. It was not your friend who increased your knowledge of Israel’s past and present, but I am glad it happened eventually. The events that, and people who influence our understanding and our circumstances are varied, and powerful.
This is the best thing I have ever read on Jewish Palestinian relationships and friendship.
You have perfectly echoed my own experience with a Muslim woman friend (which - in a way fortunately - fell apart some time before October 7th and for different reasons).
I now feel that there really can't be genuine friendships involving any true depth between Muslims and Jews because their moral compasses and mentalities are literally worlds apart, while they ironically have much in common including desire to live freely in Israel.
Without collapsing into stereotypes we only have to look at the Muslim spin on October 7th. The fact is that this atrocity only happened because Israel let her guard down. Is thar a fault, or is it the result of Jews hoping to be able to live in peaceful cohabitation?
Did Muslims - through their democratically elected leaders - simply observe and wait patiently for an opportunity to seize the day? Had they spent the previous decades waiting patiently? Cam they expect absolute equality when their proclaimed imperative is to wipe out Judaism for reasons I can't fathom, since no one since the Nazis has so brazenly made their desire to destroy another race (and - short aside: is not that the essence of "genocide"?) ?
In any case, for a time the world was divided into black and white. Now it's divided into Jew and Muslim. You have to pick a side. This makes friendships between us impossible.
I have (had) a friend in NY. We were inseparable. I knew he was from a Muslim background but it never mattered. We dreamed of one day having a deli called Saadsteins that would serve Jewish and Mediterranean food from bagels and nova to kataifi and baklava. Schwarma and falafel. After October 7th he began to post things about genocide, colonialism, from the river to the sea. I asked him if he wanted me and my family dead? Did he know what those things meant? Does he realize that as a gay man, his own people would push him from a rooftop or behead him? We don’t speak now. I miss him.
I would sincerely love to know how you responded to her last message. Well done article.
What I have not been able to understand is how “Palestine” or “Palestinian” is written (and pronounced) in Arabic. Arabic does not have the hard “P” sound in their language.
In Arabic, Palestine is pronounced Filasteen, as heard in this clip: https://www.google.com/search?q=pronounce+palestine+in+arabic&rlz=1CAIMRL_enUS1156&oq=pronounce+palestine+in+arabic&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIICAEQABgWGB4yCAgCEAAYFhgeMggIAxAAGBYYHjIICAQQABgWGB4yDQgFEAAYhgMYgAQYigUyDQgGEAAYhgMYgAQYigUyDQgHEAAYhgMYgAQYigUyDQgIEAAYhgMYgAQYigUyCggJEAAYgAQYogTSAQoxMTkwMWowajE1qAIIsAIB8QXE1er5n4vExPEFxNXq-Z-LxMQ&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:62f78d67,vid:gDJBY2pXqWQ,st:0
I think it's like "Falasteen."